The Science (Sort Of) of Self Expression

       Human evolution experts have hypothesized that a key element to human development has been our ability to express ourselves artistically. As far as we can tell, Homo Sapiens were the first hominids to create cave drawings. These drawings are the first graphic examples of artistic and literary self expression. Anthropologists determined that this ability to create art has not only been critical in the development of human culture and society, but in the development of the individual. In other words, if we want to keep growing and developing, we need to express ourselves.
       That’s great news. Because it underscores what I’ve been serving up here on MuscleHeart. There is some science behind all of this feeling based self expression stuff. There is indeed a bedrock of reason, research and data underneath how important it is to express yourself. And I’ll be exploring more of that in future posts.
       If we are disconnected from our feelings, our ability to express ourselves becomes severely limited. I know this very well, because I have been there, more than once. How and why we disconnect from our feelings is a fascinating subject, both scientifically and emotionally.
       Feelings can be frightening. Especially for people who spend lots of time in their heads, which is to say, most of us. Feelings are powerful, and they sometimes move us against what our head is telling us. What we feel and what we think are sometimes in opposition. Our heads and our hearts don’t communicate well unless we cultivate and nurture and develop a relationship between the two. One way to look at them is like two very different people who both want the same thing but, because they are so different, are having a very hard time communicating and understanding one another. We all know what that’s like.
       Our heads and our hearts both operate from different places, but ultimately, beneath all the smoke and mirrors, they want the same thing; they want us to be happy and fulfilled. They both want love. Yes, even the head. But the head believes it and it alone knows how to get it, and wants to be in control of getting it. The head, and by head I mean the mind, believes that it can figure everything out, and that it doesn’t need the heart.
       The heart isn’t crazy about the mind either. The heart finds the mind terribly condescending, self righteous, and just a big fucking know it all. Which in some ways it is. The head and the heart miss the essence of each other. They both miss the benefits and strengths each one brings to the proverbial table. And unless we make a conscious effort to build a relationship between the two, they don’t get along very well. And that leads us to pain and suffering.
       I am by no means an expert at getting my head and my heart to communicate. Sometimes I do it, and sometimes I down right suck at it. But I’m aware of the value of this relationship, and I practice getting it to work. And one of the ways I get the two to work together is through self expression. Because to be fully expressive, the heart and mind must work together. They have to communicate. To attempt self expression without engaging the mind means no action is taken. To self express without your heart results in a pretty uninspired, vapid endeavor.
       From what I wear to what I write, my self expression comes from my head and heart working together in presenting myself to the world. The total is greater than the sum of the parts if both are dancing with each other and not trying to go solo, which is each one’s preference. There are plenty of times when I wish I did not have a heart to cloud my thinking. There are plenty of times when the power of my emotions makes communication between head and heart difficult, because the stronger and louder my heart screams, the stronger and louder my head yells to be heard. It can literally become a shouting match inside of me. And I’m an intelligent, very deep thinker who also has a huge heart and feels very deeply. So it’s like Clash of The Fucking Titans.
       When that happens, I have to take a step back. I need to hear both, and to do that, they can’t be screaming. I want the intensity of what they have to say without the volume. And sometimes I don’t know how to get that.
       But I’m working on it.

©2012 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.

Clinterview: Man Vs. Emotion (part 2)

Part two in this video series on male emotions. To see Part 1, click here.

The Challenge of Showing Up

       Over the last few weeks, my writing has taken a back seat. It happens. Especially this time of year. But today I’ve challenged myself. And I’m letting you in on that challenge. It’s now 8:05 AM, Eastern Standard Time. I’m giving myself one hour to write something from scratch and post it. And I’ve already decided that I will like what I write. Working from the end, as it were.
       Let me share something I’ve completely taken to heart over the last few month: How I show up for life is how life shows up for me. Now I’ve known that for a long time. But I’ve known it in my head. Not in my heart. I thought it, but I never felt it.
       And when I say how “life shows up for me”, what I really mean is how people show up for me.
       I don’t have any control over how people show up in my life. But I do have an impact. In fact, I have more of an impact than I ever realized. That’s not unique to me. We all have that impact. However, I do know that, because I’m a strong personality, and because it is my intention to move people, to make a difference, to matter, I have the potential to have a substantial impact.
       It’s almost a responsibility of self expression to understand that through that expressiveness, we make a difference in people’s lives. For me, that means being very mindful of how I show up. It means being committed to showing up fully, lovingly, passionately, powerfully, respectfully, in every moment. I don’t always succeed. It’s a practice, not a perfection. And I’m committed to the practice. Like I’m committed to working out and taking care of my mind, body, heart, and spirit.
       Since I’ve been showing up differently in my life, the people in my life have been showing up differently. When I’m loving, happy, passionate, understanding, compassionate, powerful, then the people in my life show up that way too. Or, at least I create the possibility for them to show up that way. Because if I don’t show up that way, then, over the long term, neither will they. That’s what I really get.
       Over the past few months, I reconciled with my family. I’ve reconnected with some people that mean a great deal to me. That’s no coincidence. In fact, it would not have been possible if I didn’t start showing up differently.
       I first had to create the space for something new to happen. I had to create the possibility for some new relationship to develop. If some old relationships weren’t working, and some of them definitely were not, then the only chance for a new loving relationship was if I showed up lovingly. As I’ve said, I knew that in my head, but not in my heart. And if I didn’t know that in my heart, then I had no chance of living it.
       An element of the human condition is to constantly create the possibility that something is wrong. With ourselves. With our relationships. With our jobs and with our work. With our lives. We are conditioned for that from a very early age. I know I was. We are great at looking for problems. But if we look for problems, we are going to find them. Guaranteed. If we listen for what’s wrong, we will hear the song of what isn’t working. So I listen for something else. I listen for what’s great. I listen for what’s working.  I can’t always hear it, but I keep listening. And eventually, I hear that song. And it’s beautiful music.
       This isn't to say that I deny or ignore what’s not working in my life. But it does mean that  I don’t come from what’s not working. I don’t come from what I’m not. I come from what I am. I come from who I am. I come from who I want to be. Even if I’m not being that person every moment. I keep coming from there. And the more I do that, the more I practice that, the more often I am that. The more often I get to be that.  
       Okay. It’s been an hour. Peace Out.
   

Clinterview: Man Vs. Emotion (part 1)

        A few years ago, a woman named Ginny Judge Horan, an Associate Professor of Communications at Suffolk Community College in New York, interviewed me, and videotaped the interview. She used the video as a tool in the class she taught titled Interpersonal Communications.
       The interview was designed to help students understand the dynamics of emotions in men. It also raised awareness on how men are conditioned to shut down their feelings, starting in boyhood, and continuing throughout adulthood.
       From the feedback Ginny and I received, the video had an impact on her students. They said they were now more educated about how men deal, or don’t deal, with how they feel. Some of them reported applying that education to their relationships, and how that assisted in communication and understanding between themselves and their partner. We were both thrilled that our efforts made a difference to people. Ginny has since shown the video to many of her classes.
       I’m presenting the interview in short three minute clips over the next few weeks. Please stay tuned.

©2012 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.

My First Your Birthday Without You

My day began with tears
Thinking of you
My first
Your Birthday
Without you

We always spoke today
No matter what
And after dad died
On this day
We always spent time together

Who will I speak to today Ma?
Who will I spend time with?

Today
Your birthday
I will speak with people I love
I will spend time with people I love
You know these people Ma
You loved them
You often told me so

So
I honor you Ma
And I continue to love you
By loving those
Whom you loved
And who loved you

                                              Your Grateful and Loving Son
                                              John Francis Anthony Piatelli

Angelina Rose Piatelli. Born December 14, 1920