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    Simple, Man (part 2)

            Sometimes, the song “Simple Man" will move to tears now because I connect so strongly to the passages I highlighted in part one. Before, I used to be moved by how far away I felt from ever reaching the truth that those words spoke to me. They were tears of despair and longing. Now, they’re tears of intimacy; like looking into your lover’s eyes and connecting so deeply in that moment that you’re eyes well up.
            I’ve got a coffee mug that says “Life isn’t about discovering yourself. It’s about defining yourself.”. There’s an awful lot of truth in those words, but I believe that the journey I’m on is a little of both.
            The discovery of self comes in unearthing the real me that’s often buried under layers of defenses, masks, coping mechanisms, and the myriad of other constructs that I use to protect myself. It’s discovery, but it’s already in there, all of it; I’m not creating anything new. It’s just the deeper you dig, the more you get to, but all of it is already there, waiting to be revealed.
            But there is also a component that asks me to define who I want to be. For example, there is some residual anger and sadness in me. Anger and sadness that has nothing to do with the present and everything to do with the past. But I carry those emotions into present circumstances, and it clouds my thinking, taints my experience, and effects my behavior. If I choose to, and work hard at it, I can redefine myself by getting to that anger and sadness and releasing it. Then I don’t carry so much of it, and I change. I grow. I redefine myself as a more serene person. A happier person. So it’s part definition and part discovery. That’s how I frame it.
            Now that I’m not so blocked, I can get to more of what’s inside of me. I don’t have to come from my defensive places so much. I allow myself to be more of what’s within me, not whatever false selves I’ve developed to protect myself. So like the song, I follow more of what’s in my heart. Not my head. I’m on a less cluttered path of self knowledge, self acceptance, and self love. So whenever I hear a song or anything else that speaks of that process, I’m moved by it. And just as importantly, I allow myself to be moved by it. I don’t stuff it or deny it or shun it or run from it.
            I used to run a way from what I felt. Now I run towards. From that perspective, it’s all just a matter of changing direction.

    ©2009 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and a simple amount of Wrongs) Reserved.

    Reader Comments (4)

    Why do you run the race in an erzatz David Lee Roth outfit then ? How is that being yourself? Spandex pants (even with "fringe"), were stupid when it was done ORIGINALLY (it has been done). Get over yourself, even us gay guys have gotten over you . BTW I saw the P-town viideo and I need you to know that that level of narcissism is, indeed, astonishing. And some people might think it offensive too, Genius. Ponder this......

    July 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjust wondering

    Just Wondering,
    I resonate with your response. Calling spandex pants that I adorn for fun “stupid”; telling me to “get over myself”; saying that “the level of narcissism (in my P-Town video) is, indeed, astonishing”; that is precisely the kind of stuff I used to say to myself all too often. It’s this same brand of hostile criticism that I would turn on myself that prevented me from living as expressively as I do now. I’m grateful that I’m not there as much anymore. Thank you for reminding me of where I used to be.


    PS. I’ll be running the Falmouth Road Race on August 9 in the same stupid, fringed, spandex pants. I’ll also be brandishing the call letters for Falmouth Community Television (FCTV) across my shirtless chest (I’m being sponsored by the local cable access channel). I’ll probably do a video too. Obviously, I’m attempting to take levels of narcissism to even more astonishing platitudes. As a bonus, maybe I’ll offend some people too.

    July 31, 2009 | Registered CommenterClint Piatelli

    I dunno, I'm thinking the snarky comment is actually far more indicative of narcissistic personality disorder than anything I've read of yours...Maybe the author should do a little research on what narcissism actually is before tossing such a big word around. Last thought: the beauty of blogs and the first amendment: you no likey the blog? don't read it, fella. Save the snark - too much negative energy in the universe already.

    July 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermadam Ovary

    I bow to you Madame. I was feeling a bit peevish and Gates-ish regarding carnival while I was looking at snippets on youtube from last year. Clint - there are many "men" who are shirtless and "secure in their masculinity" at the parade, regardless of their sexual orientation. Maybe you might want to consider getting to know us as people. (Scary, huh?) p.s. many will love the spandex and the sparkly belt....

    August 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermadame w/out ovaries

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