Charlie And Me

Charlie and I have been friends since 1982, our sophomore year at Villanova. We've enjoyed more good times together than I can possibly recount. More importantly, we've shared a lot of love. We've shared a lot of life.

In college, Charlie was part of an extend family of life shakers, trouble makers, party players, and risk takers. He was rather unique in our crowd. Most of us were business majors. Charlie was studying to be a civil engineer. That meant we had a lot more free time than he did. Somehow, he kept pace with our full throttle social agenda and managed to get outstanding grades. Charlie is one of most intelligent men I've ever met.

When my college band, The Albino Skunks, came up with the marketing and PR ploy of having completely unnecessary "security guards" to accompany the band at a talent show (which we won) and at gigs, Charlie was a proud member of a crack four man squad known as "Skunk Security". When I invited a bunch of Jerseyites to cape cod for The Fourth of July in 1984, Charlie made the trek along with Kevin, Mike, and Harry. At one point during the long, alcohol laden ride, as the conversation turned philosophical, Charlie made the now infamous comment, "Ya know, we're just great people."

Sophomore year, many of this extended family all lived in the same wing, on the same floor, of the same dorm. Sullivan 3rd West was more like a carnival of tumultuous mayhem than a housing establishment. Charlie was always in the thick of things. Inevitably, at some point late on a weekend night, Charlie would grab Harry's boxing gloves, and, knowing I was on the boxing team, inexplicably challenge me to spar. Within 30 seconds, I was pummeling him so bad he would hit the floor, laughing and crying "Uncle!". 

Senior year, after upsetting Georgetown in 1985 to win the NCAA Basketball Championship, a few of the more rowdy members of The Albino Skunks completely destroyed three floors worth of wooden railings at Charlie's apartment complex. He was understandably pissed at us. For months. And he got over it. 

Less than 10 years after graduating, Charlie started his own construction company, becoming so successful that he's now "retired" (a relative term, considering how much he still oversees his labor of love). When he was considering striking out on his own those many years ago and needed some advice, he called my father, who also owned his own constuction company. They spent hours on the phone. Charlie has never forgotten that. Neither did my dad. Neither have I. 

As we've gotten older, Charlie and I have gotten closer. We share our struggles, our triumphs, our thoughts and feelings, in conversations that would not have been possible years ago. Our friendship has deepened, and, even though we don't see each other nearly as much now as we did in our college days, we are closer than we've ever been. Unlike real estate, intimacy is not about location. It's not about geography. 

Intimacy is about our hearts, about ourselves, about our lives, and how much of that we are willing to share. I know Charlie, and he knows me, far better than ever. I see a beauty in him that is only made possible by experience, wisdom, and openness. I know his wife, his kids, and what's important to him. Our reciprocal love and respect fuels our relationship.

Age, time, and lots of work have gotten me closer to the core of my being, and that is reflected by a life more in harmony with that core. That path is not a linear one. It's not a path I can plan. It's had bumps and detours and lots of pain. It's had periods of time where I regressed, not progressed. But ultimately, all of those twists and turns bring me closer to being in my life more fully; of living a more enriched, more authentic, more fulfilled life. A life full of love. I realize that now like never before. 

Connection has proven, time and time again, to save me when I was drowning in my own sea of despair. Connection to myself. Connection to others. Although I'm physically further away from many of my oldest friends, I'm closer to them in the the ways that matter. So when we do get together, the times we share together strike my heart like a harp, and my heart sings.

I love Charlie. He was just in Los Angeles with his whole family. When I saw him, I snuck up behind him, put him in a loving head lock, kissed his cheek, and told him I loved him. He laughed and gave love right back to me. Two grown men, acting like a couple of kids. That gives me goosebumps. 

We all have this capacity to more fully develop ourselves and our relationships. But it requires us to open ourselves up and risk our hearts. To risk being hurt or rejected or growing apart from people we love if they aren't on the same wavelength. That's happened to me with some people I used to be very close to. That has been the cost. But the benefits of stronger and more loving connections to those willing to risk the same with us is more than worth it. Always.

Take those risks. Open yourself up. Actively Love with wild abandon. Share. There's only one of you, and the world needs you. In the unfathomably vast history of the universe, there is only, there will only ever be, a YOU; that unique combination of heart, soul, mind, and body. 

That gives me goosebumps too. I'm getting a lot of those these days.

©2017 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Riding Your Lover's Edge (part 2)

In the sexual experience known as Tie & Tease (see my most recent post Riding Your Lover's Edge if you missed it, so you know what the hell I'm talking about), the bottom is not merely a passive participant. The bottom has to fully present, engaged, and expressive. If not, it becomes very difficult for your lover to know how close you are to orgasm. And that derails the whole train. Even if the bottom is gagged, if they are present and expressive, the top will be given plenty of tells as to when they are getting close to coming, and thus be in a position to deny orgasm. This whole shabang needs both of you to Bring It. Even if you're tied up so well you can hardly move. 

As a top, find your sinister side and play it out. Live it out. Fully. Show your lover your mean streak. Come up with new ways to sexually manipulate them. Know what words, phrases, attitudes, and actions drive your partner to the absolute edge of sexual and physiological frustrated euphoria. Laugh when they cry. Taunt them with phrases of control, dominance, and power. You can even script something out with your partner before hand, and make it like a play (or even a movie). You both get to create your own little world that only makes sense to the two of you.

Many of us have a sadistic side, usually buried deep; or least a part of us that would love to fully control another person. On the flip side, we also have a piece of us that wants to let go and completely turn the wheel over to someone else. The psychological jargon for those parts of us are sometimes referred to "Sub-Personalities". And, if you take the necessary steps to make this a mutually safe place, it's not only a rush to play with those Sub-Personalities, it's therapeutic. Whenever we give ourselves permission to explore the parts of ourselves we usually keep at bay, or hidden, we make progress in freeing ourselves. We promote healing. We create inner space.

Again, there are similarities to meditation. There's a meditative practice where, instead of denying these "darker" parts of us, we go into them. We engage them. We give them a voice, and allow them to express themselves. We get to know what they're about by developing a more fruitful relationship with them, because, after all, like it or not, they are a part of us. If we then create a safe place to act them out, like during Tie & Tease, we expand our understanding of ourselves. We take a small step towards wholeness. You'll hear actors say this stuff about their craft and why they love it. It often helps them process their emotions and gain self-wisdom.

I love the technique of edging and Tie & Tease because it's a truly loving practice, even though, let's face it, it involves a fair amount of sexual cruelty. But it's not malicious cruelty. I've been driven to tears of frustration as a bottom; and as a top, I've driven her to tears as well; tears of frustration during denial, and tears of joy upon release. Let me tell you, they are some of the best tears you will ever cry.

After the bomb explodes, you both bask in the aftershock The pillow talk that happens afterward can be some of the most precious and intimate discussions you and your partner may ever have. When you both come out of the dominance/submission paradigm, there is a heightened sense of closeness and vulnerability. There's a palpable and powerful experience of love, connection, and peace as you hold one another, love each other up, and settle into this tranquil, mutually created space. This is just one way to manifest mutually intimate and sacred space, unique to just the two of you; space that only you two know how to get to. It can be a microcosm of the whole relationship itself; A Special Place Just For The Two of You. A Special Place that only the two of you know how to find. A Special Place where nothing in the world matters except what you lovingly create together. That is truly beautiful. 

Tie & Tease, and mindful love making in general, promotes so much of what makes a relationship work. Communication. Attention. Care. Intimacy. Love. Connection. Passion. Putting your partner first when that's what the relationship needs. Flex your creative muscles. Create characters, use props, do whatever you want.

There's an expression I learned from a very wise therapist at Sierra Tucson: "When you love, give of your overflow, not of your essence". In this case, however, for a short period of time, it's okay to you give your essence. You'll get it back. Just for this, though, if you're bottoming, let your lover Have It All. And if you're topping, just let your lover......Have It.

This isn't everyone's cup of tea. If you're curious about it, however, don't jump into the deep end right away. Start off with a discussion, and put the ropes and chains aside for a while. Get to know your lover's edge, play with it, then reverse top/bottom roles. Eventually, if this is your jam, you'll intensify the situation, organically, if that's where you both want to take it. It's an acquired taste for many, so give yourselves the bedroom time, and savor the deliciousness of this edge.

And we were told it isn't safe to play with knives.....

©2017 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Riding Your Lover's Edge

There's a sexual technique known as "Edging" (also known as "Surfing"). Edging involves maintaining a very high state of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without achieving orgasm. You get close to coming, but don't, and you stay there, as long as you can. Or as long as you can't. When you willingly and consensually give control of your orgasm to your partner, it ain't up to you. Which brings me to the most heart popping way to experience edging. 

Known as "Tie and Tease", the practice involves one partner being bound and relinquishing control of their orgasm to their lover. In this form of erotic denial, the partner in control (the "top") carefully manipulates speed, pressure, and intensity to keep their helpless lover (the "bottom") deliciously close to orgasm for a long period of time. When the bottom is just about to climax, the top reduces the level of stimulation just enough (or just plain stops,) at just the right moment, to deny orgasm. If this process is repeated, over and over again, the bottom experiences an overwhelming urge to come. When, finally, the top allows their partner their sweet release, it is far more intense and pleasurable than a "normal" climax (if any climax can ever be described as such). It is in fact, an explosion. I call it The Hydrogen Bomb of Orgasms.

From experience, I can tell you, with complete confidence, that this is one steamy, hot as fuck way to make love. It's both physically and psychologically extremely intense. The strong level of sexual frustration in being denied orgasm is exponentially intensified by the helplessness of being bound. Coming is, from a human mechanics standpoint, a process of tension and release. Well, like any physical system, the more tension you create, the more powerful the release. And there is no better way I know of to create near unbearable tension than Tie and Tease. 

For the lover being denied orgasm, this technique can induce a near euphoric state, also known as "Flying". And it can even alter one's perceived consciousness; in a way, like meditation. Tie & Tease with extended erotic denial is thus sexual mediation. Good Gravy. What a beautifully powerful combination. 

Mind-blowing-conscious-altering-orgasm aside, the truly wonderful perk of this sexual play is that it builds intimacy, trust, love, and connection. The ability to get your lover that close to orgasm, and knowing exactly when to deny it, takes practice. It takes time. It takes focus and attention. It takes communication. It takes care and love. You have to get to know your partner extremely well. You have to be able to read them. You have to be fully engaged and present. Call it Fully Mindful Sex. 

The benefits of this practice start long before the actual act. Because it's important to discus this scenario first. This often takes couples out of their comfort zone, which is where growth usually happens. Even if it doesn't take a couple out of their comfort zone, talking about what happens in the bedroom fosters communication and intimacy. And it also builds anticipation. And anticipation is a potent aphrodisiac. 

Speaking of anticipation, if I've wetted your appetite for more, join me for part two. And maybe pass this post onto your lover if you want to try it. Send them a link to this post to wet their appetite. And maybe even their underwear. If they wear any.

©2017 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHear LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved. 

I Invented Fire

I don't write much non-fiction. When I do, it's usually something steamy. 

I’ve invented a Brand New Literary Genre: “Auto-Biographical Unmanifested Erotic Non-Fiction”. This is a technical way of saying, “I will create this romantic experience someday”. 

Actually, I’ve experienced parts of this story already. Just not all of it. Yet. But I will. 

©2017 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. Al;l; rights reserved.

Bring Your Goddess. Bring Your God.

Sexuality fascinates me. When I start promoting my brand, helping individuals and couples create better sex lives will be one of my brand's components. Specifically, assisting others get to what turns them on, drives them wild, brings them closer, and creates more connection; then assisting them in manifesting that. I want people to bring more passion, fire, intensity, playfulness, intimacy, sense of adventure, and love, to their intimate relationships. I've been doing that for years with myself and my lovers. And the results have been, well, damn fuckin' good.

Years ago, I stopped tying to figure out what's behind the cornucopia of my sexual turn-ons. One of my favorite questions is “Why?”. The question of “Why" leads to great understanding. And I'm big on understanding. I want to understand what I'm into. I want to understand you. I kinda want to understand everything; I'm insatiably curious. On a deeper level, understanding is a path for connection to whatever, or whoever, I want to know better. Why do stars explode? Why did T-Rex have such puny forearms? Why did you do that?

Sometimes, however, "Why" gets in the way. For example, as much as I love to dissect music, I don't ask myself why I love or hate a song. I may really dig the drum beat, the guitar lick, the bass run, the way the tune was mixed. From a technical standpoint, I enjoy picking music apart. But falling in love with a song is an emotional response. A tune either hits me in the heart or it doesn't. I leave it at that.

One of most valuable lessons I've learned is that, if you each put the other person first in the bedroom, you're going to create mad fireworks. Instead of focusing on your own pleasure, focus on your partner's. I get off just as much, usually more, knowing that she's feeling my love and lovin' what I'm doing for her. If you both do that for each other, you're taking a big step in co-creating an explosive sex life. If you both know what really turns you on, are comfortable with it, and can share it with your lover, you're nourishing fertile ground for fantastic love making. And, you're building your mutual temple for sexual discovery and sexual empowerment. 

It all starts with intimately knowing yourself, sharing that, and wanting to know your partner the same way. Both of you have to Bring It. Or else it's the sound of one hand clapping. And that just doesn't do it. 

An appreciation for beauty is vital. We can all cultivate an appreciation for beauty, across our entire lives. When you cultivate your appreciation for beauty in nature, for example, you're simultaneously cultivating an appreciation for beauty itself. Your nourishing your love of art, in all it's countless manifestations. When you bring that to your intimate love relationship, you're cultivating an appreciation for yourself, and for your partner. Your lover is beautiful. Tell them that. Often.

As much as I appreciate the beauty of the male body, I'm not sexually attracted to it. But I find the male physique just as aesthetically beautiful as the female physique. I just don't want to hop in bed with one. 

The female form...Sweet Mama!...is a breathtaking creation of artistic elegance and grace. I love everything about a woman's body. When I'm with a woman, I pay attention to all of her. Including what's inside. I could write indefinitely about what I love about a woman's heart and mind. There's so much beautiful happening within. But for this writing, I'm sticking with the physical. It's a totally incomplete picture, I know, but roll with me here. I've only got so much of your time.

Her hair. Her eyes. Her forehead. Her ears. Her cheeks. Her lips. Her mouth. Her tongue. The nape of her neck. The whole of her neck. Her shoulders and arms. The smoothness of her back. Her hands and fingers. Her skin. Her sides, between her stomach and the small of her back (usually incredibly sensitive). Her tummy. The slopes of soft flesh just below and on either side of her navel, running down to her happy trail. The curve of her hips. Her juicy bum. The sweep of her back. Her thighs. Her calves. Her legs. Her feet. Her toes. The way she smells. The way she tastes. The way she sounds. The way she feels. The sound of her voice. The way she looks at me. Her prana. I could go on and on...

The first step in all of this is opening your heart. If our heart's aren't open, it hinders our appreciation of beauty, and it blocks intimacy. If it's closed, opening the heart up is a process, so give it time. And do the work. It doesn't happen all by itself. Sometimes, our heart explodes when we have a life event that throws gasoline on the smoldering fire that is our heart. That has happened to me a few times. But even after that, the fire has to be fed. The work (and the play) have to be done. The flame will dwindle if it's not stoked.

Bring your Goddess. Bring your God. Bring your passionate, sexy, on fire, most loving being. Integrate your most primal self with your highest self.

Bring It All to the bedroom (and anywhere else you get it on). And then enjoy the fireworks.

©2017 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.