SuperFly's 11 (part 2)

To get up to speed, read SuperFly's 11 if you missed it.

In the "Nurture Vs. Nature" debate, I stand clearly on the side of "both". 

It's a Yin and Yang paradigm, just like almost everything. Case in point: I've lead an unconventional life (to say the least). Part of that is circumstance (nurture) and part of that is intrinsic to who I am (nature).

There are great benefits, and some heavy costs, to the life I've chosen, with the understanding that some it is a matter of life choosing me. Which is not to say I'm not 100% responsible for all of it. Taking the possibility of past lives off the table (because I'm undecided about my belief in that), life chose my early circumstances and environment. Life chose me from the get go to be blessed with access to money, education, a nice place to live, relatively high social status, and some fine comforts. When I became an adult, I chose what to do with all that.

Never having to worry about some of things many find a challenge, like food on the table, rent or mortgage payments, and shelter, I focused on developing my inner dimensions. I worked at  educating myself, at developing self awareness and personal growth; I played at living a life full of creativity, self-expression, and, truth be told, having a good fucking time.

But there are certain areas of my life where I have been unchallenged, and those areas are thus underdeveloped. My purpose and career have always been nebulous. I've doubted my inner strength, my resolve, my resiliency, my tenacity. There's been an over arching theme of intense self-doubt and lack of true self-love. I always felt I was "missing something", and didn't believe I had what it took to be successful, especially when it came to career and purpose. 

That is, until I got my ass into treatment. 

When Michelangelo was asked how he created the statue of David from a single block of marble, he replied, "David was already in there. I just had to remove what didn't belong". That's a great way to describe what I've been through over the last five months. Yes, I've gained massive amounts of new knowledge, learned new tools, gained understanding, had shifts and breakthroughs galore. and made exciting au courant inner connections. I've built myself up from the inside out. But, fundamentally, this has been a journey of stripping away what doesn't belong, letting go of that which no longer serves me, and discovering that all I need is already inside me. It is through that clearer lens that I now see myself. It is with that new sense of self that I now fly into my life.

It's both self-discovery and self-creation. I don't see the two as independent, mutually exclusive, or even separate. There is an alchemy to this process that at once allows me to discover, and create, a truer, wholer, higher version of Clint "SuperFly" Piatelli. That's the best way I can describe it right now.

In the first part of this post, SuperFly's 11, I wrote about picking apart, looking under the hood, of a scene from the movie Ocean's 11. The sene moved me, and I wanted to know what about it had touched something deep within. Then, in therapeutic sessions, I dug deeper and then applied what I had gleaned. This is a wonderful example of an axiom I have fully subscribed to since entering treatment: Use Every Experience As An Opportunity For Growth.

In the restaurant scene, Danny Ocean (George Clooney) surprises his ex-wife, Tess (Julia Roberts) who's sitting alone, waiting for her new husband. Danny is somewhat contrite (without actually apologizing), open, and direct. From jump street, Tess starts shooting sharp, poison arrows right into his heart. She's hostile, angry, bitter, quick witted, and deadly accurate. Ocean, however, has enough insight to realize that this behavior, paradoxically, is further proof that she still deeply cares about him. Tess knows how to hurt him, and goes straight for the jugular. Not that she doesn't have reason to. He lied to her. He abandoned her. He screwed her over, royal. And yet, there he is. In the belly of the beast. 

He loves her. And, despite what she is saying, he knows she still loves him. He knows this, in his bones, in his heart. He's wiling to lay all his cards on the table for it. And, if he's wrong, he'll eat his words like a man and move on. When her new husband finally enters the scene, Danny sees him kiss her hand, right in front of him. Ocean is standing in all that with a rock solid core and taking blow after blow to his ego, to his manhood, to his heart. He may be dying on the inside, but he doesn't break a sweat. Doesn't go down. Doesn't even flinch.

What I see and experience is a man boldly standing in the middle of his truth, with the balls, with the chutzpah, with the self-assurance to take himself right into the lion's den. I see a man coming from his heart, opening himself up in the most vulnerable way possible. He integrates his vulnerability with his powerful sense of self and inner strength. He embodies, he is living from, the wisdom that his open heart is his one of his great sources of personal power. That is a paraphrase of the tag line for this website, "The Most Powerful Heart Is An Open One". 

When I strip away that which doesn't belong to me, the unnecessary stone from the marble statue, I am that man. When I integrate all those parts of me that were once disharmonious, my true light shines strong and bright from within and illuminates the whole of my life. When I answer life's call and risk laying it all on the line and detach from the outcome, I live a fuller, more enlightened existence. When I courageously stand in the whole of my truth and take that into my life at full throttle, I'm living the life that I designed. A life in harmony with what's happening within me. There is congruence between my inner and external worlds. 

For this discussion, let's take the fact that Ocean is a thief off the table. As we get to know Clooney's character throughout the movie, I see that Danny Ocean is highly intelligent, gutsy, courageous, creative, self-assured, bold, and has a huge heart. He's respected, admired, and loved. He's a trail blazer, a maverick, a leader. He's A Universe Denter.

Sounds a lot like someone I've just gotten to know.

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