Crocktopus

       The television show Modern Family, one of my absolute all time favorites, aired a poignant episode. It spoke to something I write about all the time, and it did so in a humorous yet powerful way.
        Claire and Phil, one of the show's main married couples, have this great moment when they are at the movie theatre together to see Crocktopus. This husband and wife duo share a love of cheesy “B” horror movies, and Crocktopus fits the bill perfectly, being about the attack of a giant mutant hybrid of crocodile and octopus (brilliant concept, all around, by the way). On top of their mutual love of Crocktopi, they also share a disdain for the rules of movie viewing. So Claire is sneaking in wine coolers, and Phil is sneaking in a two hour supply of Twix candy bars for two. They both make bad play on word jokes to each other about their sneaky behavior.
       The two lovers are totally in sync with each other, connected in both attitude and behavior. Phil has this wonderful line just before he kisses his wife, when he says “I love us”. It’s a beautiful moment in the middle of a very silly and humorous situation. Which is one of many things I love about the show; it’s ability to dance between tenderness and humor, between the soft glow of love and the hard humor of that same love.
       Seconds after the “I love us” moment, just before they are about to enter the theatre for two hours of glorious, entertaining mayhem, they bump into the parents of the smartest kid in the seventh grade. Earlier that day, Claire and Phil’s daughter, Alex, let them both know that she is apparently the second smartest kid in the seventh grade, and that she’s very concerned about being number two. Moreover, Alex lets them know that this kid’s parents are brilliant, and that she is doing the best she can with what she’s been given. She’s insinuating, of course, that Phil and Claire just aren’t that smart. The couple realize her insinuation, and are a little hurt by it. This child/parent banter happens over Phil and Claire’s discussion about going to see the matinee of Crocktopus. It’s a brilliant scene, and a juxtaposition that’s not lost on Alex, as it underscores her parent’s supposed lack of intelligence.
       This is all a set up for what happens next. The “brilliant parents” are going to see a French film in the same theatre. When asked what film they are going to see, Claire and Phil say that they are going to see the same French film. Moreover, they make a point of saying that they’re certainly not there to see Crocktopus.
       It’s a fabulously executed point, and one that immediately struck a chord with me. For how often do we do just what Claire and Phil did? How often do we deny ourselves to ourselves? How often we deny ourselves to others? How often do we deny ourselves what we truly are, what we truly love, and who we truly are, because we are more concerned with appearing a certain way to the world at large?
       In the moments just before the about face in order to appear more intelligent, Claire and Phil share a simple yet beautiful celebration of themselves, a celebration of each other, a celebration of their special relationship. When Phil says “I love us” and the couple kiss, they are affirming who they are to each other, they are affirming what they love to each other, and they are affirming that sacred intersection of love between them. And yet, just a few moments later, those powerful and special affirmations are thrown aside and completely denied, because of how they want  to look to other people.  
       The contrast between what they really love and who they want to appear to be in that moment is supremely stark, and illustrates the point with added emphasis. It speaks to the power we give to what others think of us over the power of owning and celebrating who and what we are. Public opinion, and the need to to conform and measure up to cultural benchmarks, is so potent that we are often willing to sacrifice ourselves, to sacrifice our very essence, just to get it. How often do we deny a special, unique, beautiful piece of us, a piece that gives us pleasure and joy, a piece that actually creates love, because we want others to approve of us?
       I call that “Kissing The Porcelain God Of Acceptance”. We worship a false prophet at the expense of our own inner divinity. And, just like spending hours at the foot of a toilet, such behavior that seemed necessary at the time can leave us horrified upon reflection.
       I’m not immune to this. I’m just better at navigating it than most. I too feel the constant pull to be accepted, to look a certain way, to appear one way even though it goes against something deep inside of me. It’s important to be aware of this, and to learn how to sail through it. Sometimes that sail is a beautiful cruise where the wind is with you, the waves are just right, and the sun is shining and bouncing off the water like magic. And other times, that sail is through a maelstrom, a storm of self, that can feel like an act of survival. What matters is that we keep sailing through it, no matter what the weather.
       To honor and be present to who we are is a wonderful act of self love. To deny that is an act of self sabotage. To be engulfed in what we love and celebrate that is a party of the soul, where we invite the world and don’t care who shows up. The fact that we’re in fact throwing the party, and daring to invite all of humanity, is what’s important. Is all that’s important. That’s the juice.
       And when we have that attitude, when we truly come from there, we attract people. We attract the right people. Without trying to. We get the love and the connection we so desire, but not because we’re altering ourselves to get it. Not because we have an agenda. We get it because we’re being real, because we’re taking the risk of being ourselves, and those on our vibration pick up on that and resonate with us. What starts off as a sacred solo becomes a sacred symphony.


©2014 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.   

Fifty Fuckin' One

       Turned fifty-one the other day. Or as a friend would say, “Fifty-Wonderful”. Or, as I would say, “Fifty-Fuckin’-One”. Not because I’m upset about being that age. I just like the way it sounds. Like great rock lyrics, the phrase doesn’t necessarily have to make sense. It just has to sizzle and pop and have attitude. Like “Fifty Fuckin‘ One”.
       I suppose a lot of my life, on one level, could be metaphoric to great rock lyrics. To many, painting my house purple, or sponge painting my car once the book value was practically nill, or starting a very revealing blog at forty-five, didn’t make any sense. But it all made sense to me. And by “sense” I mean that those actions simply worked for me. They helped my life sizzle and pop. Those actions just completely and harmonically resonated with me.
       What I did on my fifty-first birthday made sense to me as well. I had breakfast with a friend, ate really clean all day, worked out when I checked into my hotel at night, and got to bed early. Here I am the next morning, writing before I ski all day.
       The art of our life is ours to create. How can each of us bring more of ourselves to our lives? How can we infuse more of our actions with more of our essence? How can we bring more creativity, more vibrancy, more expression, more artistic sensibility to our lives? That’s a question I want us to answer together. I know how to do that pretty well, but I’m always learning more, always digging deeper, always looking to bring more and more of that to my life. As I do that, I want to assist others in doing the same. I know I can do that. The book I’m writing on this skibatical speaks to all of that.  
       When I play the drums, if I’m playing well, if I’m helping the band sound like we’re on fire and we’re moving people, it’s not because I’m playing with better technique. It’s because I’m bringing more of what makes me ME to my playing. It’s because I’m bringing more of my self, more of my essence, to my playing. That great amalgamation of tangibles and intangibles that make me who I am; my personality, attitude, perspective, mind, energy, the way I hear a song, and the big one, My Heart - when I bring more of all that to my playing, well, things cook. And, lo and behold, when I do that, as a consequence, I find my technique is better, that my chops are at the top of my game. Because of all that essence is chock full of fluidity and playfulness and presence. All of which is essential to execution, which is the bedrock of better technique and solid chops.
       When it comes to drumming, I’m at my best when I bring a Barely Controlled Reckless Abandonment to my playing. Come to think of it, I’m at my best when I bring that energy to the bedroom as well. In fact, I could say the same thing about most of my creative pursuits. Maybe to most of life.
       Despite what it sounds like, a Barely Controlled Reckless Abandonment (B.C.R.A.) is neither close to being out of control nor truly reckless. But it’s not on a leash either. It’s an energy, an attitude, that’s harnessed but not necessarily confined by distinct boundaries; because if you harness it properly, it finds its own limits, pushes its own envelope. It essentially governs itself. You have to trust that. You have to trust your own energy. You create this energy as you bring forth what’s best in you, what’s most alive in you, what’s in your heart and at your core, and then you release it. And then you trust it. You flow with it. If you stay in the flow, this energy doesn’t get out of control, nor does it wreak havoc. In other words, it doesn’t become counter productive to your pursuits. It drives and enhances self expression, creativity, love.
       Usually, it’s hard for us to let go that much. It’s hard for us to trust ourselves, to trust our essential energy, to trust our power, that much. The result is that often, that power isn’t coming from very deep within us. Instead, we ride this superficial energy that doesn’t spring from the very depths of who we are. It springs from what we think people want to see, or from who we think we should be. It’s a safer version of our true energy, a watered down version, a more acceptable incarnation. Basically, it’s more user friendly to the rest of the planet, but it’s less user friendly to you, to the one creating it. It’s thus less authentic. And thus it usually doesn’t unleash what we’re really all about.
       This year, I will bring more of that B.C.R.A. to my life. And I will assist others in doing so as well. For that has all the markings of a more meaningful, more fulfilling, and more eventful life. A life richer not only in breadth, but depth. That’s what it means to me to be Fifty Fucking One.



©2014 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Living Deep

       When we bring forth that which is deep within us, we profoundly impact not only our lives, but the lives of others. When we access our own unique energy, we uniquely mark lives. We set ourselves apart, but at the same time create the environment for true connection.
       For by sharing our special energy with the world, we invite people in. It’s an honest invitation, a real invitation; not one born out of obligation or some false sense of graciousness. We’re throwing a party of the self and sort of inviting the whole world. Those who choose to enter are entering a naked space of authenticity, a place of truth, of vulnerability; a sacred space. It takes stones to do that. Artists do it all the time. We are all artists. Lots of us just don’t know it yet.
       And, those who enter that sacred space are getting a piece of the real you. A piece of what makes you special, unique, one of a kind. If they enter and connect to that naked expression, then they are saying yes to your sharing. In essence, they are saying yes to You. Or at least, an authentic piece of You, and not to a false self; not to a fabrication of you intended to attract the lowest common denominator. And if you show a piece of the real you and someone connects, they connect with a piece of the real “them”.
       If what’s behind the connection is real, the connection itself is more real. The impact is thus more genuine, stronger, and more powerful. Think of when someone shares a heart felt story about themselves that is honest, vulnerable, deep, and revealing. How much more impact does that have then when someone shares something superficial? When our actions come from that deeper place, when our intentions are to share  something that has true meaning to our hearts, then those actions create the potential for genuine impact, genuine connection. We move and touch people so much more when we come from places deep within us.
       Coming from places deep within us is can be a mind set, or a philosophy of behavior, not just a particular action. What I mean is, when we live from a more authentic place and aren’t so afraid of expressing and sharing who and what we are, we naturally come from a deeper place. That deeper place doesn’t necessarily have to be heavy or soaked with emotional content. When I say “a deeper place”, I’m referring to what is closest and dearest to our hearts, to our core. For example, I am an extremely playful person. My playfulness is not a coping mechanism that I’ve developed to say, ward off intensity. Because I am also a very intense person. But it’s a yin/yang thing, not necessarily an either/or. There is an intensity to my playfulness, and a playfulness to my intensity. Or at least there often is.
       This playfulness shows up when I’m out to dinner; it shows up when I’m looking for something at Home Depot; it shows up in the bedroom with my lover. Because it’s a real part of me, it shows up everywhere. And because it’s a real part of me, it creates the potential for true connection. The people who are attracted to my playfulness are attracted to a genuine part of me, not to a false self. So that attraction is more powerful and real and deep.
       On the flip side, my playfulness pushes some people away. Some judge it to be inappropriate, or silly, or immature. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I can’t connect with those people. But it does mean we first have to find a way to remove that block between us. Sometimes that means a conversation, where we get to know each other better. Maybe that leads to a better understanding of where I’m coming from, and thus more acceptance. And sometimes not. What’s important is that I don’t stop being playful just to please them or get them to like me. The risk of being true to yourself is that some people are truly not going to like, accept, or respect you. You have to roll with that.
       I can tell you from years of experience that being true to yourself is a much more fulfilling place to live from. It creates wonderful, deep connections. It creates more profound impacts on other people’s lives, and on your own. It moves and touches people more powerfully. And it’s a lot more liberating and fun than living from a place where your overriding objective is to constantly please other people. Being true to yourself pleases yourself. And that authenticity will attract the right people into your life.


©2014 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.                
    
     

Magician's "Mistake"

      The flash that went off when I took this picture not only created the dazzling snowflake reflections in the foreground, but it also somehow allowed the rich pink and sepia tones to more vibrantly explode in the background. I saw the illuminated tree, and the spotlight of fuchsia, before I looked through the lens. But I didn’t see it like this.
       The camera did its own thing. It engaged the flash, even though I thought I turned it off, and it interpreted the rest of the scene the way it wanted. So this picture looks something like what my eye saw, but not exactly.
        I didn’t see the stark contrast between the tree and the rest of the environment. When I look at it now, it appears to me that the tree was literally pasted into the scene. Physically pasted. Not digitally. The way we used to do things before Photoshop.
       When I see a scene that strikes me and I take a picture of it, I want it captured the way I see it. So that I can communicate exactly what I see. But what I’m reminded of here is that my desire is just another way of me trying to control something that doesn’t need to be controlled. To control something that really can’t be controlled. What my eye sees and what the camera sees are sometimes very close, sometimes not. Sometimes I’m grateful that the camera caught it as I saw it. Sometimes I’m grateful the camera did its own thing. Like here.
       One of the issues I struggle with is allowing. I often resist, try to control, and put tremendous pressure on myself to be perfect. All in an attempt to make everything come out the way I want it. To make everything come out “perfect”.
       As I write my book, those struggles show up in my face every time I sit down to write. What that looks like is me trying to write the final book before I write any drafts. I’m trying to write the book in my head first, then just spit the final version onto the page. Sometimes I do that with life. Sometimes I try to create my life in my head, “perfectly”, then just spit it into existence. Like I’m some sort of fuckin‘ magician. Like all I have to do is create it in my head first, because my head is so omnipotent, then just wave a wand and, voila! There it is! There’s the book! There’s my life!
       What this picture reminds me of is something I heard in Al-anon years ago: “I’m responsible for the work. Not the results”. Now, that saying is not to be taken out of context. It doesn’t mean that I’m not responsible for creating my life, or that I’m not responsible for my actions. What it means is that I do not have complete control over what ultimately happens as a result of my actions. For example, when I write my book, a book that I love, a book that I’m proud of, I still have no control over how it will be received. I can do everything in my power to make it the best book I can, and I can do everything in my power to promote it and do all the other things that need to be done for a book to be successful. But the actual success of the book, the result of the book, beyond it being actually written, is out of my hands.
       It’s not up to me if you love the book or hate it. It’s up to you. Anymore than it’s up to me whether you love me, or hate me, or are completely indifferent to me. That “result” isn’t up to me. My actions are my responsibility; trying to be the best person I can be. Raising my consciousness. Making mistakes, and making amends. That’s my “work”.
       This post itself is a great example of what I'm ultimately saying. It started off as a picture, with an intention of maybe saying a little something about it, maybe not. But when I started writing, all this other stuff just started coming to me, then coming out of me. The end result of this post is not due to my controlling the flow of my writing so much as it is putting the effort in, and guiding that effort as best I can. Like an energy that is mine, that I can harness, but that I don’t completely control. I can bring the best of myself to each moment, and from that, the energy gets guided, and thus what it produces, gets shaped into something I’m proud of. I don’t so much control the result as I do bring my best to the process and allow other forces that be, forces that I don’t understand, forces that I can’t see but can feel, do what they’re gonna do.
       Geez. Maybe I AM a magician. Maybe we all are.



©2014 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.     

Fuck Normalcy

       Beauty is all around us. No matter where we are, it’s everywhere. If we don’t see it, or hear it, or smell it, or feel it, it’s because we’ve gone numb to it.
       Our personal appreciation for beauty gets drummed out of us, in countless ways, throughout our lives. From the time we’re practically infants, we’re systematically drilled by authority figures, peers, and the media about what’s beautiful, what isn’t, and exactly “how beautiful” something or someone is compared to something or someone else. Those judgements are dictated by powerful and omnipresent cultural norms (“cultural norms”....now there’s an oxymoron, with the emphasis on moron). But those “norms” often have little to do with our own personal experience.  
       And there’s the rub. Because, beauty is not a fuckin’ competition. It’s an experience. And a very personal experience at that. In fact, one of The Most Personal Experiences we have. Just like most else that is deeply personal, however, once it’s expressed, it gets criticized, ridiculed, and possibly even attacked, if it doesn’t conform to accepted norms. It thus gets depersonalized, in a cultural conspiracy to normalize beauty.
       Now, most would agree that the picture I took and posted here depicts a natural scene that is “beautiful”. So, in this case, my personal expression of beauty falls well within culturally accepted constricts of beauty. But that external cultural constrict has absolutely nothing to do with what this picture, or my personal experience of it.
       I felt this picture before I took it. When I walked out of wherever I was at, on my way to wherever I was going, the beauty that I captured in this picture was already there. All I had to be was be open to it. But that phenomenon is not particular to this picture, or this moment, or this anything. That phenomenon is particular to life itself.
       In terms of what’s beautiful, My Personal Experience of Beautiful is all I have to go on. Not only as an artist, but as a human being. Because what’s beautiful to me is so very personal, that if I can’t, or don’t, or won’t, connect to that, then I lose a piece of myself. I lose a piece of what sets me apart as an individual in this overwhelming vast, homogeneous ocean of conformity, acceptance, and.....”normalcy”.
       Across the board, without exception, my personal philosophy is “Fuck Normalcy”. Because, in most cases, it has nothing to do with reality. At least not my reality. Or, and I challenge you on this, maybe yours......  

©2014 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart LLC, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.