Anatomy of A Ready To Go Bedroom

Here's how to equip your bedroom for role playing, love making, comfort, and lots of fun.

Click on the tumbnail below to take you to another page, then click on that thumbnail to take you to a much bigger picture, as it were.

Clinterview on Sex

Recently, I was interviewed for a web radio talk show called “Sex And Happiness”. The host, Lauri Handlers, is a published author, tantra yoga expert, and respected seminar leader who runs a business called Butterfly Workshops. One of my blog posts, Ride The Lightning, was featured on her website in September.

Lauri specializes in working with people to maximize their happiness and pleasure in intimate sexual relationships.

As you can guess.....we got on like a house on fire. The interview was spectacular.

So here it is. Just click on the link below.

Sexual & Emotional Availability

Poetry Kicks Ass

       “Poetry Kicks Ass”. Yes. Yes it does.
       That very phrase may sound contradictory, even absurd. Fine. For it underscores precisely the inherent vernacular dichotomy I propose.
       Poetry Kicks Ass because it has the potential to be extremely powerful while also being extremely concise. Like a helmet to helmet hit from a free safety, teeing up from zone coverage, on a slot receiver coming across the middle. Just like that devastating collision on a football field, poetry can send a game changing message very quickly, and with a force of communication far greater than you may realize.
       To all of you lovers out there, if you aren’t writing poems to each other, you’re like a defense that never blitzes. You’re just not taking enough chances. You’re just not risking enough of yourselves. You’re just not being vulnerable enough. And you’re letting opportunities pass you by.
       And here’s the killer: Anybody can write poetry. Because there aren’t any rules. Despite what you may have learned in high school, poems don’t have to rhyme. They don’t have to be grammatically correct. They don’t have to be spell checked. You can make up your own words. Poems don’t even have to make sense, at least not in strictly literal terms. As the poet, you have absolute freedom to say whatever you want, however you want to. And still have the potential to communicate effectively. How fuckin’ cool is that?
       As men, we must confront the fact that just writing poetry, even if nobody on earth ever reads it, carries a stigma so strong that it prevents most from simply writing down potentially poetic material. I’m not even talking about actually organizing and forming ideas into poetry. I’m talking about just writing stuff down.
       Both sexes must also confront the belief that only “poets” can write “poetry”. That goes hand in hand with the belief that many people believe that they are just not creative enough to write poetry. Or not creative, period.
       We are all creative. And we can all channel that creativity into some sort of poetry. Try this on for s moment....
       Remember when Rocky wrote Adrianne a poem in Rocky 2 ? Here’s this fighter, a person not at all thought of as creative; a guy who makes his living punching the snot out of other guys; and he wrote a poem. It was a simple poem. Because Rocky was a simple man. But it was.....FROM....HIS....HEART. And that is the whole point. The only point. So his message was conveyed with devastating effectiveness. Just like his left hook. Because it came from deep inside of him.
       I know it’s just a movie, but this is a great example of art imitating life. If Rocky can write a poem and make it move his lover, then so can you.
       Maybe writing poetry is about as important to you as blowing your nose. But I challenge you to accept the possibility that writing poetry can improve your relationship with your lover; that poetry can enhance communication between people who love each other; that poetry can stir up wondrous creative energies in you that have been latent, and make you feel more alive; and I maintain that poetry will steam things up in the bedroom. And even the best relationships can benefit from more of all that.
       In my next Poetry Kicks Ass post, I’ll help you write poetry. I’ll tell you what works for me. And I’ll give very practical, concrete advice on how to create poetry that will sing from your heart and touch the heart of your lover.

The After Glow

       There exists a period of time, lasting from between a few minutes to an hour or more, when lovers share a unique and sacred space. Wonderful opportunities exists there, but, unfortunately, they are rarely taken advantage of. I’m talking about right after you make love. I’m talking about the After Glow.
       Also known as "Pillow Talk", it’s a time of great possibility, and yet it’s usually squandered. Sometimes, the pressures of life severely limit the time spent lying next to the one you love. But that’s not always the case. And if couples fully grasped the value of the After Glow, more of them would make the time to relish in it. Something might have to give, like an hour less of watching football or shopping. Yes, I know. I can hear the gasps.
       Physiology, psychology, and the love in our hearts all harmoniously converge after sex and create a space of supreme vulnerability. Hopefully, we have invested our body, mind, and heart into the love making. We are drained, but at the same time going through an emotional recharging that will soon nurture us for the rest of the day or night. We have just shared a piece of ourselves with one other. Tenderness and gentleness are in the house. Stroke her hair. Tickle his back. Rub her shoulders. Take one finger and trace it along the contours of each other’s face.
       Men traditionally have a hard time in this place. But women can find it difficult as well. The After Glow creates a place conducive to communication, to sharing, and to opening up to one another. It’s a time of potential deep connection. You are very close to each other. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Sexually. There is no better time to share and open up. This is the time to connect even deeper.
       You’re missing the boat....no you’re missing the ship.....no, you’re missing an all expense paid luxury cruise on The Sovereign of The Seas, if you constantly let this opportunity for intimacy pass you by.  
       I have had some of the most beautiful, remarkable conversations of my life during the After Glow. During these times, I have shared intimacies about myself with the woman I love that may have felt scary to expose until then. I feel like an open book. And she doesn’t even have to read me; I’ll read myself to her. And she’ll read herself to me. That’s when it’s cookin’.
       Of course, if intimacy is difficult for you, as it is for lots of people, then you have a hard time seeing the value of this special time. In fact, it’s downright scary.
       After particularly passionate sex, when the opportunity for closeness in the After Glow is even greater, you may have gremlins in your head. Those little fuckers say things like: “What the hell did I just say, or do, in the throes of passion?”. As a result, you may possibly be somewhat embarrassed. Don’t keep those very real thoughts and feelings private. Now is the perfect time to share them with your lover. Use the moment to comment on the moment. It’s a wonderful way to build intimacy and trust.  
       Fear is the great disconnector. If we are afraid of intimacy, we may use the After Glow to pull away. Because during sex, we are so close. We are totally exposed to each other. Naked. Not just physically. Now the recoil. It’s the classic push/pull, yes/no, come here/get back, get close/pull away dance we do in relationships. Thus, we miss golden opportunities to bond. The After Glow is not a time to pull back. It’s a time to move forward. Together. It’s a time to get even closer.
       But intimacy requires courage. It requires taking emotional risks. In the After Glow it requires keeping your guard down. Hopefully, your guard was down during sex. If not, then that’s just another layer of the onion that needs to be peeled away for true intimacy. We can get there. But it means we may have to do things differently.
       The risks may seem daunting. But the payoffs are huge. Self Discovery. Intimacy. Laughter. Truth. Honesty. Depth. Warm fuzzy feelings. Closeness. Connection. Intensity. Increased Love. Getting to know the other person even deeper and more fully. Usually, when someone opens up about something that is hard for them to expose, there is greater compassion and understanding for him or her. And compassion and understanding are two ingredients that are a lot healthier for a relationship than judgement or misconception.
       Taking advantage of the After Glow may take time to cultivate. Start by making a conscious decision as a couple to stay in the After Glow longer after sex. Have that discussion outside of the bedroom, then execute it between the sheets.
       The After Glow is like a beautiful womb that you get to share with your lover. I’m a twin, so I did indeed actually share the womb with another. Maybe that’s part of why I have such a love affair with this most precious space of time.
       This womb of the After Glow is a place of love and safety and connection. It can be one of the most beautiful places that you and your love ever go. And you don’t even have to leave your own bedroom.

©2012 Clint Piatelli and Red F Publishing. All Rights (and a glowing amount of wrongs) reserved.
    
   

Fifty Thousand Shades of Clint

       Sexual role playing is, literally, fuckin’ fun. Like Halloween. Every night. In your bedroom.
       You get to dress up. You get to be somebody else. You get to act up and act out.  You get to free yourself of restrictions and constraints (or get yourself in them - either way, it works). When you fully engage in sexual role playing, you give yourself permission to radically expand your spectrum of behavior. And, as if all that were not enough....you get to orgasm. Sometimes, more than once. Sometimes, so powerfully that you peel the paint off the walls.
       Please tell me. What about that doesn’t work for you?
       Let’s face it: when you love someone, sex is serious. There’s a lot at stake. There are emotional and mental and physical consequences. Our beautiful and tender feelings are on the line. That seriousness is part of what makes sex with the one you love so intense.
       Allow me to make an analogy between sex and professional football. In both, emotions run high. There’s lots of action. There’s lots of passion. Your whole being is engaged: body, mind, heart, and soul. There’s an abundance of excitement. And you ride a tide of emotions that leave you exhausted at the end.
       And within that....it’s a game. Meaning that it’s meant to be played. Played. Not worked. Like music. And I better stop with the analogies and metaphors, before I become crippled by them.
       When sex is playful, while existing in the realm of genuine love and intimacy between two people, it takes on a beauty and a power and an intensity that can only be manifested by fully embracing that sense of play.
       Role Playing is just that; it’s playing. It’s about accessing deep inner passion while simultaneously getting far enough out of yourself to really let loose. It’s about completely giving yourself over to whatever scene you and your partner have mutually created. It’s about behaving with a barely controlled reckless abandon that flirts with the “out of control” but never reaches it. That’s what happens when kids really play. And that’s what happens when adults really do too.
       So take this controlled reckless abandonment of play and put it into the electric environment of sex. What you have are all the ingredients for a super charged experience that allows couples to literally transcend the ordinary and enter the extraordinary. That sounds like a tall order, but it’s not. If you fully throw your whole self into your sexual play, the extraordinary is actually a natural outcome. And completely repeatable.
       Within the world of role playing, there exists infinite possibilities. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to play? What were your limitations? Just your imagination. Why the fuck does it have to be any different now? It doesn’t. Unless you decide it has to be. It’s your call. It really is.
       To fully engage in play, you have to let go of your self consciousness. At least temporarily. If the voices in your head are screaming at you “This is silly! What are you doing? Grow up!”, and you listen to those voices, you can’t really play. Tell those voices that you appreciate their sharing, but you are going to choose not to listen to them. Or just tell them to shut the fuck up. Try either method. It works.
       As kids, we completely embraced our playfulness. If we do the same as adults and bring that embrace of the playful into sex, then, just as when we were kids, we have a natural defense against boredom. If we find out what we love to play at, we can keep ourselves happy for vast periods of time. And when it’s time to play something new, all we have to do is use our imagination and make something else up. And we’re there. You. Me. Us.
       Both partners need be willing to explore, to open up, and to remove their limitations and barriers. Both need to to use their imaginations. If both partners approach play in the bedroom with the same intensity and passion and commitment that they bring to whatever else is vitally important to them, then their sex lives can be a magic carpet ride. Maybe not all of the time. But lots of the time.
       Tonight, I’m a robber who breaks into your place while you’re asleep, ties you up, gags you, and makes you watch as I steal your most valued possessions. I ask you where your best jewelry is, and you won’t tell me. So I fondle you and caress you and turn you on until you are about to climax. But I deny you that sweet release over and over again until I break you, and you’ll tell me anything. Including where grandma’s pearls are. Then, after I make you beg me, all that tension within you gets released, and I bring you to orgasm. You come so explosively that you have an out of body experience. Sound impossible? Nope. Just a Wednesday night in my bedroom, with a lover who completely throws herself into the scene and shares a mutual commitment to the imaginative creation of our romance. Tomorrow night, we switch roles. And we haven’t even gotten to the weekend yet.
       Paradoxically, to fully express ourselves playfully as adults usually means that we need to do some work on ourselves. And when I say work, I mean any number of a slew of modalities, all designed to help us free ourselves. Of our past. Of our inhibitions and hang ups. Of our judgements. Of the horrible stories we tell ourselves. The more work we do to be free, the more intense and enjoyable and transformative our play.
       There is a world within us, locked away in our hearts and minds, all too often mysterious to our very selves, that is worth exploring. Ironically, when we access this deeper place, we are able to more fully and completely engage in play. Play may be executed on a field of apparent frivolity, but it’s roots run to the center of who we are as human beings and who we are as individuals.
       Society may define us by what we do for work, but we don’t have to buy into that. That traditional “You are what you get paid for” is a grossly incomplete picture. What and how we play tells us much more about who we are than we realize. So go play. In the bedroom especially. All of us have the capacity to super charge our sex lives with a healthy overdose of play.


©2012 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and a Massive Bedroom Full of Wrongs) Reserved.